Independence Day: Part 2

Independence Day- Part 2

I have a really good friend who is about 25 years my senior. **Side-note** it is good to keep friends who are a bit older than you if nothing but for the sake of watching someone go through what you may eventually go through and taking notes. Anyhow, a while back this dear friend of mine asked me about when I planned to get married. I let her know the plans were in order just as soon as the nice guy with some financial stability (not including hustles and illegal means of revenue), intelligence, all of his teeth, a good heart,  and a power stroke came along I was ready and willing. We laughed it off but she got serious and told me, “Look if you actually want to be married one day then you really need to get on it. Not because you are getting older or that all the good men will be taken but because you are spending more of your adult life independently and being married is hard to do when you have spent most of your adult life doing what you want to do, how you want it done, and when you want to do it.”

Essentially she was saying, the more time I spend “unmarried” the more I will get stuck in my ways and it will be harder to compromise when it comes to being married. So being the argumentative personality I am, I had to respectfully disagree. I have met so many men and women who complain about having gotten married so young and never got to experience just being on their own and doing their own thing and not worrying about what anyone else had to say about it. So I relish in the idea of some nights not wanting to do the dishes or some weeks letting the laundry pile up, or playing my music really loud, or staying up late reading, or eating ice cream in bed, or becoming the freakazoid neat freak that can sniff out a speck of dust with utter frustration and do it all without annoying another human being at all (except Amira of course but she has no choice in the matter.)

I also had to make mention of the fact that being independent for so long allowed me the opportunity to know myself a little better and make a better decision than some when it came to choosing a life partner. I know what type of personality and living habits will work well with my own so I probably won’t be the type of woman to marry just for love. Yeah I need to know we can work well together. I am by no means a traditional woman so as much as I may love someone  know better than to marry a man who believes his wife should do all the cooking, cleaning, and submit to his final authority. Not gonna happen over here! If we’re not doing it together then what do I need a partner for?

My brother is always talking to my mom worried that I won’t find anyone. He is scared I will end up alone. It’s comical to me only because he doesn’t see how I feel like he may end up alone because he got married to soon. I know he and his wife may not want to hear that but I do know deep down that they probably both find some truth in it just the same. I would rather be IN-dependent before CO-dependent any day. I have seen many lives so intertwined in love and misery that the path to true fulfillment in life becomes nothing short of a complicated maze.

However, I do take his concerns and my friend’s concerns with much credence. Could there possibly be a state of too much independence? Can a person become too self-reliant crippling their ability to become dependent on anyone for anything, even love? Perhaps. I can see how living an overly independent life can lead to being more controlling, uncompromising behavior but I don’t think I am at that place just yet. I don’t live my life in complete solitude. I am around family and friends as much as possible. I ask others’ opinion on certain matters, and if you ask my dad on his paydays I am still very dependent on him so I think I know how to rely on someone I deem trustworthy and dependable.

So as we celebrate the founding fathers Declaration of Independence I also celebrate my own. When they signed the Declaration of Independence on that July 4^th, 1776 they didn’t do so without an alliance. They had the help of the French, the Spanish, and the Dutch in combating the British army. And I also have the alliance of my friends and family as I declare  my own independence, my own inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness because I know it’s my happiness that they are ultimately concerned with.

July 5, 2011. Uncategorized.