Independence Day: Part 1

Independence Day- Part 1

This was me and Amira’s first Fourth of July together in about 3 years. Being the jetsetter she is, Amira is usually away visiting family somewhere during the fourth of July while I stayed home doing who knows what. There were no plans set in stone except I did want to take her to the movies because we both couldn’t wait to see the third installation of the Transformers movie franchise.

There was an Independence Day Jubilee at the park so I took her there so we could listen to the bands and grub on carnival snacks and watch the fireworks a couple of days before the fourth. We had fun just her and me but she wasn’t as excited as I hoped she would be. She kept asking me if I invited anyone to come with us and I said yes but since the park was a bit of a distance away from most of the rest of the family I didn’t expect anyone to come. Being an only child she is very familiar with independence. She often plays independently, watches television independently, eats independently, etc. so she craves group socialization. Since it’s usually just she and I, it isn’t seen as anything special or unique or holiday-like when we just hang out together because we do that all the time. I often feel like the greatest let down I have given my daughter is not giving her any siblings. It is such an inner battle between feeling justified in not wanting to be the single mother of more than one child (one kid to raise alone was definitely more than enough for me) and feeling like my daughter is missing out on certain childhood experiences that only occur with having siblings; like getting in trouble together, getting blamed for something the other one did, always having someone to play with, someone to share secrets with, someone to laugh at mom with, etc. I look back at my childhood now and think about how much fun I actually did have with my brothers and sister even though at the time I wished my parents would have just had only me and then my life would have been perfect.

It’s funny because I have friends who also have one child their kids don’t seem to mind being the only child. They don’t beg for a brother or sister or feel sad when they see other kids playing with their siblings like Amira does. So then I feel like well maybe she was a soul that wasn’t meant to be an only child.

So on this Independence Day she did not get what I used to get every summer growing up. There was no dad on the grill arguing with her auntie, no cousins in the yard throwing water balloons and lighting fireworks, no scheming to see whose house they would all stay the night at, no family sing along, or spades or dominoes games breaking out, instead it was just she and I at the movies, then off to visit my mom and then off to visit my dad. She said she had fun but I know that was just her response for my sake. She did nothing but talk about how last year when she was in Michigan with her Auntie Wendy and Uncle Ken how the whole neighborhood got together and they played all day and all night and watched fireworks and got to light fireworks, and they went to the lake, and they went to someone else’s house for barbecue. But what could I do? Even though I live in the same city as the majority of my family we are all truly independent. My aunt and uncle really don’t do many family gatherings (although they are getting better at it) my brother has his own wife and family, my mother lives alone, my dad is remarried, my sister never has her kids so she does her own thing, my other brother is a bum so I am sure he was somewhere bumming off someone, my cousins all have the same story, married, other family, no plans, etc. So, basically everyone was doing their own thing as we normally do. It used to make me sad because we weren’t always like this. And especially when I see other families get together or if a friend invites me to be with their family for a special occasion or for no reason at all, I think why does it seem so hard for my family to be able to do things like this together? And also, maybe if there were more times like this then maybe Amira would not feel so bad about being an only child. Almost the way a woman my coo over a cute, soft, precious, sweet-smelling, newborn but then be filled with delight to hand the baby back to its mother when it’s time for a diaper change or the baby gets too fussy. Maybe she would get her fill of the big group life and then be glad it’s back to just me and her.

Either way, Amira and I rang in Independence Day 2011 independently dependent on one another. And what I hope is that one day she will look back on these days and cherish having her mother all to herself and eventually become grateful for the bond our independence has created for us.

July 5, 2011. Uncategorized.