Beyonce, who?

Where your confidence lies is how people will be attracted to you. So if your self-confidence is in your looks then more often than not, people will befriend you or be inclined to date you based on your appearance. If your self-confidence is in your sense of humor then people will usually find you funny and like you the more because of it. When I think about where my self-confidence lies, I have to say it’s not in my appearance (although I do know I am sexy-fine) I can say I know I am not the most beautiful woman in the world and I really don’t worry about the fact that I am not. And even though I think I am exceptionally funny and I know I could achieve tremendous success as a comedienne my confidence isn’t in that either. I think my self-confidence lies in my personality. I often say I am an acquired taste, just like a fine wine or gourmet dish where the palate must be mature to truly appreciate it. I am definitely not for everybody but most people with any level of sophistication and authenticity in their own lives usually take a liking to me. I am also confident in my intellect. I am not a know-it-all (although some may argue act like one from time to time) but I desire to know it all and I am capable of learning. Everyone does not know how to learn and understand complex concepts, whether about math, philosophy, art, etc. I know how to know a thing. And finally I would say my confidence lies in my ability to be a good friend. I am not a perfect friend but I do fully appreciate the value of friendship. So I try to lead my actions and conversations with my friends based on that high value. I also think that is why I can honestly say I have some really great friendships.

Now all of that leads me to a question I have been contemplating the past few days. Why does it seem that only unavailable (emotional or otherwise) men are the ones who recognize how great of a woman I am? I came up with a theory to answer these questions. Okay now this is going to move quickly so follow along closely:

1. I.                   Premise:  We attract people based on where our self-confidence lies
2. II.                Premise: Men are mostly visual creatures and normally experience attraction based on physical appearance
3. III.             Inference:  If a man is unavailable he will tend to attempt to reel in his attraction to other women by maintaining his interaction with them on an intellectual and platonically friendly level in order to avoid the temptation of cheating.
4. IV.              Conclusion: If my self-confidence (which is what others will find most attractive about me and what will attract people to me) is in my intellect, personality, and friendship then unavailable men who would only be seeking to know me on those levels are the ones most likely to recognize this about me. Hence this is why so many unavailable men find themselves attracted to me.

So according to this argument the next logical step would be for me to increase my self-confidence in my physical appearance in order to attract available men. Now this is not to say that unavailable men aren’t and don’t act on physical attraction. Because ((hand-raised)) believe me I know they do. However, if I am trying to balance my attraction with more available men than unavailable men then I think it would be necessary to play to the tendencies of available men. Well that in turn just presents another conundrum because I don’t want someone to want me based on my looks, because hell I have some bad days where my hair is in a bun,  I am in flats, and I am wearing my comfortable clothes (not my sexy clothes), and I still want this person to want me. I want someone to want me and be mainly attracted to me because I am an awesome friend to them, because we can have a good time together no matter what we’re doing, because I am smart, and because I have a good heart.

Now, of course I want someone who does find me physically attractive. Everybody wants to be wanted and desired. But what I am saying is I don’t want that to be the main ingredient to their attraction to me. Because if it is, when the woman who is prettier, sexier, thinner, more voluptuous, etc. comes a long then I run the risk of jealousy and fear of “losing” this person because there is always someone more “something” than I am.

BUT no one is more “Alcinia” than I am and I can be confident in me. So if the guy is attracted to the virtues that make up my “Alcinia-ness” then he can meet Beyonce one on one for a candle-lit dinner in a secluded hotel room off a remote island near Fiji and I won’t worry about it because as sexy-fine as Beyonce is, she’s not Alcinia and she never ever could be me.  And he will be sitting there saying “Beyonce who?” … Well maybe not really, but you all get my point.

I guess in all of that I am just left with appreciating the fact that the unavailable men recognize my fabulosity while I dodge their come-ons and suggest that they hook me up with one of their single friends that are at least 5’11, no kids, good credit, and a killer smile.

June 21, 2011. Random Thoughts.