A Bit Different These Days

The world is a bit different these days.

Not that the fluke of a war on terrorism has ended or gas prices have miraculously lowered to a sustainable expenditure.

But I’m different.

I tried fooling myself by saying that having a man or lack thereof wasn’t on my immediate agenda. But, shoot all of my thoughts, energy, and focus were spent on that very thing, and now that’s all changed.

I prioritized friendships that weren’t made significant by all parties involved. I rearranged what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go because I found no one to think as big as I. But that’s all changed.

I obsessed over what I didn’t have and played a game of competition with my peers. I fought the real me trying to break through and thought conformity was the best way to be accepted.

Now, that’s all changed.

I self-absorbed my environment and lived selfishly; focusing only on how things affected me. I stopped thinking of ways to be a blessing to someone else.

Definitely, that has changed.

Everything is changed; the world’s stage and all the actors playing their roles.

 Not because the richest ten percent have broken down their wealth to eliminate poverty and not because HIV/AIDS has stopped its aim at women MY age, MY race, and My sexual orientation.

Yet still the world is quite different these days.

Not because the world is a better place outside home’s door but because I’M in a better place inside my heart’s door. The world and all its dwellers only change one person at a time.

And since now I’m changed…the world is a bit different these days.

                                                                        ~ Alcinia Whiters

                                                                                3/13/07

I gallantly celebrated the election of America’s first African-American president imagining a racially unbiased America that would focus on the heart of the matter. Instead I became frustrated as fear of socialism came to mask deeply rooted racism. But now, that has all changed.

 Now, I find it laughable when I face the same attitudes as the leader of the free world being reflected at my job when I am afforded the opportunity to shine.

I faced my own inner criticisms of religion; rejecting Christianity.

Now that’s changed. My descent from God landed me in the axis of my spirituality aligned with the Creator.

I criticized others I thought not living to their full potential only to find that I had not been living mine. But that has certainly changed.

Now every step and decision is calculated for an optimum outcome. I draw comparisons in the infinite.

I tried to love away jealousy in others only to find that the union of jealousy and love only breeds skepticism. Definitely, that has changed.

Now love, MY love is a gift bestowed on a select few; yet still with far reaching affects. There is only One God who has promised to love all of humanity. I can only be loving.

My life is in a different time and place than at the first segment and even still that is not the culmination of all that has changed. Things change but a person without a mirror never does. They only present masked interpretations of what they already are. And as the change that occurs in the world is a dynamic force with limitless progression; I hold my mirror close for that ever progression of me.

Addendum by Alcinia Whiters

09/20/2009

The God and Humanity Relation

When I really want something I say, “God if you are real then please come through for me.” Why is the only evidence of God’s existence for me contingent upon what he does in my favor? Maybe God does absolutely nothing for anyone; except partake in his role as The Creator. If God, The Creator, is truly Alpha and Omega; then God only begins and finishes a thing but the in between is our own determinant. What if your life is truly your own and God does not halt or move things on your behalf but your life’s course in all its ups, downs, imperfections, and successes is a limitless result of your own previous actions? What if God’s only governance is your sunrise and your sunset? Then what do we make of the dash?

(Alcinia Farica Whiters December 11, 1981- ?)

 

What if the dash is all up to me alone? Is hope lost or is hope gained at the knowledge that my life is not made up of futile attempts to please an unknowable God for favorable circumstances to meet my own ego driven desires? Therein lies the hope that I do have some level of autonomy over my life and the adjustment should then come in to myself, not God, for a more favorable existence. And that aim is the pleasure of The Creator which, when The Creator so chooses,  to seal my life with the stamp of finality it is The Creator’s pleasure in my efforts that grant me grace into eternal bliss.

 

If that is the case, then I am suspicious of The Creator’s pleasure with my life thus far. And with not knowing when or where or how the end of my life will take place; the urgency to get something right sets in as does the desire to not waste my time on religious tangents that lead no closer to the grace of God than my own sincere seeking can produce.

 

There are some practices of religion I have chosen to adopt for cultural sake; to preserve the identity of my parents and my heritage. It has become somewhat of homage to an upbringing that I hold in high regard that taught me the morals and values I have to this day.

 

In the end I believe your comprehension of The Creator is a specific design unlike any others and uniquely your own just like the innumerable variations of human DNA that make up each individual; so is their knowledge of God. None of them being ultimately unequivocally right or wrong just different, all the while making up the dynamic of what it means to be human.

Frenemy

When we think of the term “frenemy” often we think of the atrocious personalities in the movie Mean Girls, where the friends of the main character played by Lindsay Lohan smiled in her face but then plotted against her behind her back. Although I think that is true I want to offer another perspective on frenemies.
Frenemies are two people who actually consider themselves to be friends while perpetuating an antagonistic dynamic in their relationship. They are two people who have a common care and concern for one another but also seem to be in competition with one another. One might argue that a little competition is healthy in any relationship to serve as a “good” peer pressure. But can a true friend really be your competitor? Yes, a friend should challenge you in a way to motivate you to be your best and to bring out the best in you but not in a way that they defeat you at it.
Here are some examples.
a) You are planning to make a big purchase such as a new car or your first home. A friend will give you contacts on a good agent, a good lender, et c. however, a frenemy will decide they are going to make a big purchase too that is bigger, better, or before your purchase.
b) You are dating someone new. A friend will welcome the new person who has put that recent sparkle in eye and be just as excited as you are, but a frenemy will point out how they have been in a long term relationship and how that is more satisfying than trying to figure out somebody new.
c) A friend will treat you to dinner or a night out on the town when they know you are strapped for cash on a given occasion and think nothing of it and never bring it up again. A frenemy, on the other hand, will do the same but will bring up this instance and any other instances of such at every possible opportunity. A frenemy will even expect you to pay the next time even if they are able to pay themselves.
The characteristic of a frenemy is their often endeavors in the three B’s; to do or be Bigger, Better, and Before you. If you have a friendship that you are constantly trying to prove or demonstrate who you are and what you have then you are more than likely entangled in a frenemy relationship. I don’t over look the fact that our friends many times do spark an interest or a desire within us but that spark should not burn you or them in doing so. Also, do not get me wrong when I describe a frenemy because real friends do care enough to point out when a friend is going down a wrong path or making a detrimental life choice, but it all comes from a place of love and not belittlement. A friend will, with that advice offer some sort of assistance or an alternative with the intent to see that friend in a better place. Even still beware because frenemies disguise themselves well. They will cry with you and laugh with you but at any given moment they take the chance to show how they are better than you or how you are worse than them.
The testament of true friendship derives from humility. It has been said that friends are the family that we get to choose, and with that in mind we should all be humbled at the idea that someone cared enough about us to choose us as family and call us a friend.

My daily Thought- Love

My thoughts for today are on love. Why do we expect or anticipate love from others when love in its purest form requires nothing in return? We can look to God for an illustration of this pure love but I resist that example because we [human beings] are not God and thus cannot apply such standards accordingly. I can however, turn to the parent child paradigm. A child is born and its parent’s love them before that child has any comprehension of what love is, yet still the child has been loved. Is it possible to have something and not know it? Is it possible to be loved and not know it? Well when love is pure the recipient’s knowledge is not a determinant in the construction of said love. If we think about romantic relationships there always has to be one to love first or at least one to come to the realization of the affection of love first. That resolve comes without the persuasion of the recipient or else it would not be love in its purest form. I would dare to say that love in its purest form remains silent; that once love is expressed it is slowly diluted with the anticipation and expectation of reciprocity. Now, from this frame of reference I do look to the example of God’s love for his believers. In the Bible (1 John 4:19) it is stated that “we [believers] love God because he first loved us”. God loved us first without our knowledge or comprehension of his love for us. And with the expression of his love through his son Jesus Christ humans can come into the relationship of loving God. Our love for him would be requited love which is much different from pure love; although requited love can be true yet not pure. For pure love, loves first, but requited love only loves after the fact; initiated through the three stages that lead to true love. Pure love is true but true love is not pure.
The three stages that lead to true love are attraction, emotion, and devotion. If we go back to the parent child paradigm we can see all this. I have yet to meet a parent who does not see the beauty in their newborn child which would initially be their attraction to them. They may see the resemblance of their mother’s eyes or their lover’s nose and that attracts them to the child. Then there is an emotion that sets in that makes a parent feel for the child; whether those feelings be joy, hope, worry, compassion, etc. the next stage of love is the feeling of [well intentioned] emotion towards the recipient. And finally, the last stage is devotion. The thing we are devoted to we protect and provide for. In this wise the love becomes true because we secure the attraction and the emotion with the devotion. Attractions and emotions can be malleable but devotion goes beyond the changeable as a resolve to continue to express the love which is why true love is not quite pure love. Is that to say that pure love is not expressed? No, absolutely not. The effects of pure love are always felt but not confessed. The confession of pure love begins the process of true love. The instance of true love can happen immediately or over a process of time however all three stages must be had for the love to be true.
In my conclusion what do I think of love? I think most of us love selfishly. We love in order to be loved in return. I do not abhor this selfish love I understand its place in the finiteness of our being. I think for us to appreciate that it is in our very nature to love that which only loves us would help us to recognize those instances of pure love in our lives. And the recognition of such would multiply love all over the world. We would come to know that pure love expressed in human form is nothing short of a miracle. And we should stand awestruck in the presence of pure love for God is love.

The Daily Thought

The past has not yet passed until it is no longer in your view. If a situation that caused you pain is still in back of your mind and lingers in your mental peripheral then it is not yet past (or passed) because you are still able to give it a point of reference in your path and dictate its coordinates on your life map.  It still has a place in your present if you are able to re-tell the story in detail of who did what to you, when, where, and why you think they did it. 

It is still with you. You are carrying it like a woman carries a child in her womb sustaining its life until the day of birth. But some things are just meant to be terminated! Unconstructive mechanisms from your past don’t deserve life. They don’t deserve space in your present; slowing down the fulfillment of your future. Let the past pass and go on with your life; or better yet leave the past behind you and you bypass the scenario, situation, failed relationship, unfulfililng job, etc. 

Everyday is a gift from God. I see the morning as a reward for making it through the previous day. Whether you made mistakes or not, the new day is yours to celebrate. Everyday can be your birthday because it is a day your soul is rebirthed in the now. So in an effort leave the past behind you take a moment to do something that celebrates you TODAY and everyday. It can be as simple as an extra 5 minutes in the shower, a smile at yourself in the mirror, or an unscheduled day off to do nothing but read your favorite book or magazine. Give yourself a gift today because you passed the past.

Desire for Spring

It is February 2^nd and today the ground hog saw his shadow. I guess that means six more weeks of winter. But I am begging for spring to arrive early. The winter has never been good to me. Lost loves, cold weather, holiday weight, and the early nights make the winter a struggle to endure. I long for spring; a spring in my mind, body, and spirit. I always feel better with the warm sun kissing my skin while the breeze whispers in my ear; my own ménage-trois with the season, fulfilling my fantasy of being the center of love.

Love is in the air then as the order of nature dictates mating season a time to create life but right now in the dead of winter desperation pervades. Creation holds on to the little bit of sustenance it has left until the seed germinates and harvesting can begin; where there is plenty and sufficiency, joy and laughter, smiles and dancing. I want to be happy and laugh; to smile and dance.

Often we fly south for the winter as the birds do. We fly south of comfort and leisure, pleasure and amusement. Maybe that trek southward causes an arrival to life examination. Socrates said the unexamined life was not worth living so the winter is the time to decide if life is worth living; if you are worth living. It is an arrival of the gathering of contemplative thoughts on the requirements for our own life sustainability.

I believe I require (in no particular order) love, affection, validation, companionship, my pen,  my opinion, The Bible, a punching bag,  a sweet merlot, good music, my little black dress, controversy, the air I breathe and a shared meal. I wonder who needs so much or so little for their life to continue living. A living life; as if to suggest the possibility of a dead life, which is the greatest oxymoron in existence. I think that is what happens in the dead of winter. Life dies while the lungs inhale and the heart beats. The soul is in hibernation strengthening itself for the next season; for the spring.

And so my soul hibernates and strengthens awaiting my new season. Yet it is restless like the caterpillar fighting against its cocoon. My soul is agitated desiring to break free. Desiring the spring.

 

Purposeful Pain

I recently had a discussion with two of my sisters in Christ and our topic was pain. By nature we question the whys and the “how’s” of pain either physically or emotionally. But as I contemplated the issue God spoke to me a 2-word phrase; purposeful pain. He let me know that all pain is purpose driven. And the purposes can fall into one of three categories: Consequential, alarming, and growing.

 

The first time we hear of pain in the Bible is after Adam and Eve disobeyed God and eaten the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. And, God told Eve that in pain she would bring forth children. The purpose of some pain is consequential. There are certain pains that we were never meant to go through but we bring them upon ourselves. And according to the scriptures in Galatians 6:7, which says that, “whatsoever a man sows that he will also reap…” there is a cause and effect of our actions which may have a painful liability. Yet there is still a purpose!  The purpose behind consequential pain is to fulfill the law of the Lord written in His word for sowing and reaping. God said in Matthew 5:18 that, “Heaven and earth will pass away before one jot or tittle will by no means pass away from his law…” We have to remember before me and you and our pains was the word. In the beginning was the word of God and that always takes precedent.

 

In the human body when we feel pain it serves as an alarm to warn us that something has been damaged or that something is wrong with the body. In this case the purpose behind the pain is not for our hurt but for our help. You can’t fix something that you don’t know is broken. There is a genetic disorder known as congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis, or CIPA. This disease is so detrimental because it does not allow people to feel pain and without the signal that pain causes these people come in danger of fatally hurting themselves. If they touch something too hot they do not feel it and can severely burn themselves. Or they can break a bone and continue using it and causing more damage. Without pain we can hurt ourselves even more abrasively. Now if we take this information into a spiritual context we can learn that some pains of life are actually serving as warning for us that something is wrong. And if we did not feel those pains it could seriously damage or even kill our spirit man.  We may be involved in unhealthy relationships or maybe something or someone is coming in between are devotion to God or our families, and as a result hurtful circumstances and situations come about. And then we question God and his sovereignty over our lives but in the painful seasons of my life one thing the Holy Spirit echoed in my heart was, “It’s not for nothing”. Almost to reassure me that the Lord was in control and he only allowed the hurtful thing to happen as an alarm that something has been damaged or is going wrong in my spiritual body. Then I am able to re-focus my energies and restructure my priorities in order to take the pain away.

 

Other pains are “growing pains”. We have all heard of these kinds of pains. When we were growing up and felt different aches and pains in our body and mom would say, “Those are just growing pains.” Some pains are just a result of our bodies growing and expanding in Christ. The first person of the Bible that comes to mind is Job. There was nothing wrong with his walk and his relationship with God but he went through tumultuous turmoil for seemingly no good reason at all. But through it all God was growing him up in Him and Job ended up better off than before all his trials and closer to God too. We have to remember God loves us too much to not have a divine reason and purpose for everything in our lives including the painful things. God is not trying to kill us or abandon us. In all actuality he is doing just the opposite. Psalms 34:18 says, “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart…” So God may just be breaking you down so He can get close to you. And once it is all over and done with you will end up stronger and more blessed than ever before; just like Job.

 

I know pain is not fun and is not desired by anybody but one scripture I have hidden in my heart is Romans 8:28, “And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” If you are experiencing any kind of pains in your life ask yourself, Am I reaping the fruits of something I have sowed, of some wrong doing or sin I have committed? How is my relationship with Christ and/or my brothers and sisters in Christ and is there anything I should be doing that I am not doing in those areas of my life? And finally, if you can account for both of those things, Have I expressed my desire to get closer to God or do I feel His tugging at my heart to go higher and deeper in the things of Him? Analyze the answers to those questions and find the purpose behind your pain. Then go forward rejoicing because weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning and those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. (Psalms 30:5, 126:5)

A Conversation with a Friend

A Conversation with a Friend

Words of Jesus in red

 

Today I am really stressed.

Why?

I am stressed because I don’t have enough money to cover all of my expenses. I am worried I won’t have enough money to take Amira on her birthday trip to Disneyland that I promised her.

I am tired of carrying the load of life by myself! I am tired of every bill, every household necessity, and every household chore being my responsibility! It is so much so that minor things like getting light bulbs or toilet paper stress me out because I know if I don’t do it then it just doesn’t get done. I am ready for some help!

God, I know you tell me that I am not alone and to quit saying that because You are with me always but you aren’t taking out the garbage when it gets full, doing laundry, run errands, pay bills,  buying groceries and then carrying them up the stairs, etc.

 

But I am. I can cause groceries to be brought to your doorstep and bring people over to take the garbage out for you and I have been the reason you were able to pay bills and put food on the table. Look for me to help you and I will. It’s like someone offering their help and you refuse but then complain about no help.

 

OUCH! Well, I hear you Lord but I can’t help that I feel all by myself in this thing.

 

When have feelings been a dictator of truthfulness?

Feelings can indicate an area of concern but feelings can and often are misleading. Alcinia, you have to learn to dictate to your feelings what the truth is and not allow your feelings to tell you a lie.

Remember the Word I gave you. Your perspective determines your position! So now answer me this; how can you alter your perspective of your current state to change your position? How do you change your perspective so that you position yourself above your current state of mind?

 

First of all I can be grateful for what I do have. I am grateful that I am able to handle every responsibility of running the household without another person’s assistance. Some people cannot survive either physically or mentally without the aid of another person. God has gifted me with strength and HIS assistance to cover all of my responsibilities.

Secondly, I have to recall all the times in my life that God has met all of my needs and actually most of my wants. Wealth does not come from without but from within. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he…” (Proverbs 23). I have to think of myself as a prosperous woman so the wealth starts within. I am a prosperous woman of God wanting nothing because “the Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want” (Psalms 23).

 

Okay Lord, I am actually better now. I have stopped crying and feeling sorry for myself. Thank you for your Holy Spirit and for being my only TRUE FRIEND. I wish I could give you the love you truly deserve from me but I can try my best.